Day 16

January 16th. The last 2 days have been a struggle physically, today was better physically, but mentally and emotionally, not such a great day! Was all set to head to gym but before that I called past Luke and couldn't quite hold it together any more. I'm not afraid to share this because, as I'm sure you already realise, it's not all rainbows and lollipops along this journey. The thing I find important is not letting it take over and never end. Might not be the same day all the time, sometimes it'll take a couple days, although thankfully today I was able to talk through it.

The first person I talked to was Luke, and as usual he knew, or at least did a pretty good job of pretending to know, exactly what to say! He could see it on my face as I went into his room. It wasn't long until he was standing beside me holding me. I know I'll never give up but the thoughts are still there of 'I just don't know if I can do this'. Luke consoled me while I had my cry, and wasn't short of reassurance. We went to leave Luke's room and Vicky, the ParaQuad SA lady here at Hampstead, was going past and stopped to say hi and I just asked her, 'do you get sick of sitting down?' This launched an hour and a half conversation about everything. She was 19 and suffered a medical condition that paralysed her, making her a paraplegic. Talking to Vicky was a great help.

After a bit of a rest I went to see Naomi, my psychologist, just to talk a little more. By this stage I was in a more confused state, not really sure what to think. That was followed by an xray and a quick trip to physio to somewhat make up for my missed session. Then tonight Luke and I sat outside after it had dropped maybe a degree or two! We just talked it through a little more, and it really helped settle me. Luke still sees the same strong, courageous, annoying(!), loving woman he first met. And neither of us is going to give up on the other.

Luke got these bracelets made up a couple months ago when he went on a trip to the RAH. It's a new life for us. We're still going to do the things we planned, but as Vicky said this morning there are some thing you eventually have to say goodbye to, for her one was walking her dog along the beach, sand between her toes. It took her 3 years before she went back to the beach to go along the sidewalk this time. Luke and I are living a new life now. We may have to change the way we do some things and even say good bye to others. I've decided its a new, but better, life... because we are still here living it.